he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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