if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
