My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's never too late to be topless.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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