wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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