ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize