Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
