Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
