grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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