I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
