Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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