So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is Oprah even human
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
