can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
