If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
