i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
