so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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