Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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