Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
