it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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