He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You may now shotgun with the bride
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
