Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
