I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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