I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize