i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
