what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
