my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
