So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
