so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
