Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
