mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
