Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
