Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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