You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
