mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
