So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
