areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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