Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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