I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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