It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Text me some of your sweat
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
