he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The adults are the big ones right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize