He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk is not a location!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
