I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
