ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
