Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just high enough for therapy.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
