Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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