I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
