Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
