he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize