there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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