i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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