Where is the hickey?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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