I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
