So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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