she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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