Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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