Umm I'm too high to move.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
