Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
