I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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