Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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