I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
