i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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