i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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