Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
