They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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