hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
