There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
