I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
