How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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