I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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