I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
