when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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