We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
