I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
