It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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