ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just crazy horny about you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
