Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
