she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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