I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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