The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
