please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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