you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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