Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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