dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
