i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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