Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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