True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
