Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
