her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
