She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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