If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
