She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
