walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
