I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize