My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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