He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
