I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
