My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
