i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
