not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
