I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
